心有猛虎，细嗅蔷薇
昨天读完了这个月读书群的第二本书Procrastination: Why You Do it, What to Do About It NOW。群内的朋友多数认为这本书里提的理论和方法太多，以至于反而不知道该怎么做了。我的建议是按需选择，一本书介绍的方法多数是保健品和适用于普遍疾病的药方，而不是为某个人特意诊断之后开的具体的方子。我们通过读一本书，学会观察自己的症状给自己看病，然后对症下药即可 -- 适合别人的方法有可能到你身上会过敏。
One of the themes of our book is that it can be exciting and interesting to learn from your experience -- not denying it, forgetting it, or judging it, but accepting what is and making the most of it.
不要指望通过读一本书就能改变自己，懂了这么多道理和实践之间的距离还差的好远。把每一个本书都当做一个mentor，它能够给我们最大的帮助就是“提醒”，如同这本书的A Note to Our readers中写到：
If you don't understand why you delay, all the practical techniques in the world aren't likely to help. Yet, even if you've searched your soul and believe you thoroughly understand your reasons for procrastinating, you still won't get anywhere unless you do something to over come it. (Reading about techniques may be interesting, but reading is not doing.)
今天和大家分享的是我对这本书中印象深刻的两个地方。
1. “拖延就像蒲公英”
Procratination is like a dandelion. You pull it up and think you've got it, but then it turns out the roots are so deep, it just grows back.
这是这本书第一张第一段中的话，作者用它引出可能产生拖延的几个方面：emotional roots, time, biological roots, 还有interpersonal roots。
作者在最后一章Epilogue中呼应开头，又做了一些强调和提醒：
So, pracrastination really is like a dandelion, isn't it? Lots of tangled roots and very difficult to eradicate completely. To help you untangle the roots of your procrastination, we've offered many persepctives on why people procrastinate. We hope you will take a close look at those psychological roots that are relevant for your unique story.
Our hope is that you will embrace the opportunity to try something new -- play with a fresh way of thinking and experiment with differert approaches to those projects that await you. We're not advocating a grand relandscaping, but rather pulling out the dandelions, one at a time, so that your garden isn't completely taken over, and there's space to grow other plants you will enjoy.
可能是传统教育的桎梏，我们有时候会陷入“只有一个答案”的误区，例如有人会不停的追问“到底怎么学英语？” “到底怎么才能成功？”... 好像是这些问题都有一个标准答案一样。别忘了“殊途同归”，"怎么做“和”为什么这么做“相比，并不重要。拿学英语来说，有的人喜欢听，天天看美剧听podcast就练好了英语；有的人喜欢看，读书背单词就学好了英语。
另外一个误区是the either-or fallacy：非黑即白，不是对的就是错的，不是好的就是坏的。我经常收到的一种问题是：“读英语书时碰到不认识的词到底该不该查？是查好还是不差好？XX老师说应该查，xx老师说不要查，到底该听谁的？” 我的建议是具体情况具体分析，要知道为什么要查，为什么不查。那我自己举例，遇到一个眼熟的词硬是想不起来什么意思的时候我一定要去查一下，查完之后这个词我会记得更深刻。碰到一个无关紧要，我也不想去记的词的时候我就把它标记一下回头再查，因为我不想因为这个词过度影响了阅读的连贯性。我们的选择不只是有A和B，还有CDEFG... 还有A+B, A+C, A+B+C...
与其纠结于"到底什么是..." “究竟哪个好？” 倒不如各种方法都试一试，多走点弯路，别急于求成给自己过多的压力。等到找到了适合自己的解法，你再跑起来去追也来得及。
无论是学习一门技能，还是去改变自己的习惯，我们的目标都是让自己更开心。如果改变带给我们的是痛苦和更多的压力的话，可能是我们把自己逼的太狠了。
It comes from being able to accept that you are who you are and that what is, is, whether procrastination is part of your life or not, like being able to enjoy your garden -- even with a few dandelions.
这是全书的最后一段话，它让我想到了西格夫里·萨松（Siegfried Sassoon）那首注明的诗：
In me the tiger sniffs the rose.
心有猛虎，细嗅蔷薇。
对于我们的不完美，如果不能改变我们就要学会live with it，去改变那些能改变的，让自己的花园里的花朵怒放，那些杂草也就没那么惹眼了。如果你的心是一个花园，芳香沁人，那只老虎跳出来的时候也会变得温柔起来。
2. 学会说YES，学会说NO
第二个印象深刻的地方是第18章中作者提出的Learn to say yes or no, 也就是我们应该做什么，不应该做什么。其中作者提到Say Yes to Personal Growth:
Try new challenges
New challenges keep you learning, learning keeps you vital, vitality keeps you feeling alive and happy. And new challeges are good for your brain. Remeber that your brain changes every day. New challenges encourage your brain cells to grow and connect in more complex ways.
Do more of what you love
Whatever it is you love to do, do more of it. Whether it's planting a garden, learning a new language, reading to children, quilting with friends, closing a deal, raising money for a cause you believe in, cooking with your family... if it makes you feel alive and enriched, add it to your life. These are the activities that make life worth living, and they deserve to haver more time in your life, not less.
这两段鸡汤味道十足，但是也不乏营养。成长不就意味着去不断地挑战，做自己想做的认为有意义的事情吗？（例如多谈恋爱，试试支教...)
奚恺元在《别做正常的傻瓜》（强烈推荐这本书）中提到“适应性偏差”，是说“人们常常低估了自己的适应能力，从而高估了某些事情在一段时间之后对自己的影响。” 他提到:
正常的傻瓜往往忽视了适应性效应，对物质的东西看得过重。如果你想少几分正常，多几分理性，你应该意识到对自己物质性的东西的适应性，多花点钱在和精神相关的东西上。
去尝试新事物，去挑战，去读书旅行，这不是有情怀玩文艺，而是品质生活中的必需品。没有什么比“明白些道理,遇见些有趣的事”更值得欢喜了。
作者也提到Say No to timewasters and Downers：
Learn to identify and say no to things that aren't helpful or connected to what really matters most. We all have things, peole, and activities taht weigh us down, tire us out, derail us, and dimish the quality of our lives.
和那些浪费我们时间的人（例如伸手党）和只会给你泼冷水看不得你半点好的人说再见吧, 取消关注那些对你没有帮助的公众号（例如这个英语学习笔记），拉黑那个你早就想拉黑的那个人吧。我们要知道what to include and what to exclude，学会说NO，学会去选择自己身边的人和事 -- 哪怕这样意味着“不完美”，意味着你要有所牺牲：
Remember: You have a choice. You can delay or you can act.
You can act, even though you are uncomfortable. The legacy of the past does not have to control what you do in the present. You can take pleasure in learning, growing, and challenging yourself. You do not have to be perfect to be of value.
看完这篇文章你可能觉得“满满的鸡汤”，因为“说起来容易，做起来难”。是鸡汤，鸡骨架，还是鸡肉并不重要，我希望我的分享是一个“信号” -- 写给大家，更是写给我自己。