刚读完《老友记》钱德勒·宾饰演者的最新回忆录

这本回忆录语言口语化，叙述风格很 Chandler Bing，阅读时自动脑补情景喜剧特效。不过整本书也有股钱德勒的「丧式幽默」，全书读起来让我想到《马男波杰克》和太宰治的《人间失格》，每一章都有他的挣扎。

这本书的画风并不欢乐多。

我搜了下，全书 lonely 出现 8 次，addict/addiction 68 次，drug 117 次，rehab 46 次，sober 84 次。几乎每几页都会提到毒品。整本书像是一位明星的戒毒日记。

一开始 Matthew 就讲他的痛苦，生不如死的那种痛。他是重度瘾君子，嗜酒好毒，是 rehab 的常客。这也是标题中的 the big terrible thing: Alcoholism, addiction—you call it what you want, I’ve chosen to call it a Big Terrible Thing.  他说如果让我重新来过，我还是会碰这些东西——正是因为我太知道我为什么会是个瘾君子，我才很难保持 sober。

"I have spent upward of $ 7 million trying to get sober"

他出生不到俩月就开始服用含 barbiturate 的镇定药剂；父母离异，5 岁时经常自己坐飞机往返加拿大和美国。14 岁那年开始喝酒，在酒精里找到了自由和解脱。感觉被父亲抛弃，母亲再婚，从小他就害怕孤独又担心离开。这几段文字读起来就心疼：

- With Dad gone, I quickly understood that I had a role to play at home. My job was to entertain, to cajole, to delight, to make others laugh, to soothe, to please, to be the Fool to the entire court. 

- I’ve always been abandoned. So much so that I used to ask my grandmother, when a plane went over our house in Ottawa, “Is my mother on that plane?” because I was always worried that she would disappear, just as my father had (she never did). 

- With Dad off in California, Mom, being beautiful and smart and charismatic and the star in every room she entered, would date guys, and they’d date her right back, and sure enough, I’d turn every one of those men into my dad. Once again, when a plane went over our house, I’d ask my grandmother, “Is that [Michael] [Bill] [John] [insert name of Mom’s latest beau] flying away?” I was continually losing my father; I was continually being dropped at the border. 

是不是很 Chandler Bing?

书中当然少不了《老友记》。

由于好朋友拒绝了《老友记》里 Chandler 的角色，Matthew「捡了漏」：

这一部分印象深刻的是：

1）Rachel 的饰演者 Jennifer Aniston 是 Matthew 的 crush，但是她并不喜欢 Matthew；

2）当年他们中最火的是 Monica 的饰演者 Courteney Cox，但她没什么架子，她说 “There are no stars here. This is an ensemble show. We’re all supposed to be friends.” 

初见 Courteney Cox，用的是 cripplingly beautiful

3）第一季结束后最炙手可热的是 Ross 的饰演者 David Schwimmer，他跟其他演员说咱们一起争取同工同酬，这让大家都挣了不少——当年他们一集可以挣 $1,100,040。

4）Joey 的饰演者 Matt LeBlanc 花了好长时间才找到自己在剧中的定位，Mattew 开玩笑说他是 Most Improved Player/Friend。

5）拍摄《老友记》时 Matthew 就是个 addict，名利双收并没有让一切更好。

在剧中的体重变化也是因为他嗑药，他说：My weight varied between 128 pounds and 225 pounds during the years of Friends. ) You can track the trajectory of my addiction if you gauge my weight from season to season—when I’m carrying weight, it’s alcohol; when I’m skinny, it’s pills. When I have a goatee, it’s lots of pills. 他还说他和 Monica 在剧中结婚时，他正在戒毒所。

也是在拍《老友记》时，他和 the biggest-star-in-the-universe Julia Roberts 恋爱了。

是 Julia 先释放的信号，俩人一来一回打情骂俏，最终走到了一起。

不过和他所有的恋情一样，好景不长，他总是觉得我不配、怕失去，于是长痛不如短痛主动和她分手：So instead of facing the inevitable agony of losing her, I broke up with the beautiful and brilliant Julia Roberts. She might have considered herself slumming it with a TV guy, and TV guy was now breaking up with her. I can’t begin to describe the look of confusion on her face. 

后面还写了他的另一段 6 年的感情经历，从 friends with benefits 到 lvoers，不过没提女方名字。再接着他写了自己同时爱上两个女孩，最后还是落得孤身一人。

如今 Matthew 52 岁，已经戒了毒，也慢慢原谅了自己。最后还试图来点「正能量」：人生艰难，好在我从未放弃。他说 Love wins：

Love and courage, man—the two most important things. I don’t move forward with fear anymore—I move forward with curiosity. I have an incredible support group around me, and they save me every day, because I have known hell. Hell has definable features, and I want no part of it. But I have the courage to face it, at least. 

读完这本回忆录我想到一个英文表达：Never meet your heroes. 那个演小钱钱的演员原来是这样呀......然后又觉得心疼，眼中的 Chandler Bing 丰富起来，原来剧里的脆弱和自嘲如此真实。众生皆苦，活着就已经不易，人能浪子回头那就更不易。

以上是我的读书笔记，从语言学习的角度看我并不推荐这本书。但如果你看了我的介绍对内容感兴趣，自己找来读读吧