昨天在朋友圈看到一篇考研英语作文的范文，本来我也就瞄了一眼，结果光首尾段就错误太多，最后逼着处女座的我写下了这篇文章。

这是南开大学2011年翻译硕士的作文题，题目是相当简单了：

Some people believe that advertisinginfluences people’s behavior in a negative waywhile others believe that the opposite is right. Which view do you agree withand why?

我在网上找到了这篇所谓“范文”的原文，大家可以一起来欣赏一下：

Is Advertising a kind of Pandora’s Box

Nowadays with various advertisements being broadcasted between intervals of TV programs, they have affected people a lot no matter whether they notice this phenomenon or not. For example, when they go shopping, they will buy goodspropagated in advertisements, so in terms of this situation, there raises a hot debate onadvertising’s influences on customers.

首先是标题。kind of在本文频繁出现，正式文体显得不太正式。首句读起来就有点怪怪的。with引导的独立主格，和后面的主句应该是两个不同的主语，这句若改成with various advertisements being..., a lot of people have been affected可能会通顺一些。between intervals那不就是正片么？至少应该是intervals between TV programs. 最后的there raises仿照there be/appear/exists的倒装结构，但是这个表达是根本不存在的。根据倒装的原则，你可以说sth exists/appear/be there, 但是sth raises there明显就有语法错误。

当代美语语料库就搜到两个there raise,还不是文中的这个用法

Some believe that it is beneficial to instruct people’s behaviors while others deem it a Pandora’s Box, and according to my point of view, I assent to these second opinion. My reason can be divided into the following several points.

首句估计想说“广告对于指导人们的行为是有益的”，但是这句形式主语写出来就变成了“指导人们的行为是有益的”。“assent to”一般用于权威对于正式文件的同意和批准，比如“The boss assented to his request to work from home.” 放在这里明显不合适。

from LDCE, 4th edition

To start with, advertisements exist through various media,for instance through TV, network, magazine,newspaper and so on, and they occupy a large amount of space to curtail useful information. Thus we can say people will spend much money on the news they do not need at all which can be called waste of resources.

curtail用在这里不太清楚作者想要表达什么。非限定定于从句的使用也是有问题。

What’s more, legislation in our country is not perfect,especially laws on advertisement. So many illegal businesses make use of a fault and by advertisingto make exorbitant profits. False advertising now is rampant, but people lack the ability to distinguish good-quality products from bad ones, leading many unfavorable situations, especially the advertisements on medicine and cosmetics which hurtpeople’s health if they can not reach a certain standard.

漏洞应该是loophole而不是fault. 并列结构不对称看得人也是不舒服。

And furthermore, many people follow advertisements’ instruction because the mouthpieces are their idols.While some stars do speak for advertisements because they can get lots of profits no matter whether the products they recommend really have effects or not. So on one hand, they cheat their adorers, and on the other hand, they lose their public reliance.People who follow them may suffer loss of money and health, and further maycause more serious consequences, such as the side effect of fake medicine.

mouthpiece叫“喉舌”，比如CCTV is the mouthpiece of the party. 这里把自己的偶像成为mouthpiece，估计爱豆会哭死。

on the one hand...on the other hand 表示两种相反的情况，这里完全用错。

Finally the advertisements will interfere with people’s original idea, and make them easily swayed and influenced, and maybe it will affect their confidence. And too much interference will obstruct people’s judgment, and it is also no good for the merchants who do not advertise but produce good-quality products.

From above reasons I reach my conclusion that advertising is indeed a kind of Pandora’s Box. People should resist the bad effects of it and enhance their judgment ability when they confront multicolored advertisements, so polish your eyes please! We should swindle the fake veil of advertisements hand to fist.

polish your eyes真的是闪瞎了我的眼，可能作者的眼睛是钻石做的。最后一句也没整明白作者想要说什么。

这篇文章主题段还有很多表达和标点的问题，很多句子估计都是通过中文翻译过来的，我就不一一吐槽了。这自然不是南开大学英语系给出的范文，我想说的是，只要是在教育行业，更何况还是考试培训，也需要从事这个行业的人有点严谨和专业精神。这样的文章被印在考试资料上，只会贻笑大方，毁人前程。

下面是本人的练笔，能不能称得上范文，大家见仁见智，欢迎拍砖。正好赶上双11，这篇文章也是应景。

Some people believe that advertising influences people’s behavior in a negative way while others believe that the opposite is right. Which view do you agree withand why？

这篇题目有个关键词，是对人们“行为”的影响，这里主要探讨：

1. 对于小孩子的影响比较大

2. 对于成年人来说，误导信息，冲动消费或者依赖某种产品

Advertisements have penetrated into every aspect of our life. It is hard not to notice them when we get on a bus, browse the Internet, watch a television or just open an app on the cell phone. While advertisingis bringing huge benefits to the companies and society as whole, its negative impact on people’s behaviors can never be overlooked.

Children are the largest group that falls prey to advertising. Wisely placed in the intervals between kids’ shows and cartoons, adverts of products like candies, soft drinks and deep fried food can always captivate children’s attention. It is true that children are not the only target audience of these products, but they are more likely to be attracted by the carefully edited pictures, sound effects and interesting stories presented in the ads. Recent decades have seen an increasing number of overweight kids, and the ubiquitous advertising of the junk food plays no small part here.

As far as adults are concerned, non-stop exposureto a kaleidoscope of advertisements tend to result in compulsive spending. Take the shopping carnivals in China. November 11, or the “Double Eleventh Day”, which used to be just a day metaphorically and humorously for the singles, has now become a popular shopping season dwarfing the Cyber Monday and Christmas in the west. Months before shopping spree, customers have been bombarded with tons of adverts, by way of messages, emails and pop-up windows on the internet. It is difficult to resist the temptation to hoard goods when they come with mind-blowing discounts and coupons. The result is that many people end up wasting too much time on it and snapping up things they don’t necessarily need.

Also, adults are inclined to over-rely on certain products because of the celebrity effect. The recommendation from the famous people they admire sounds more convincing, but when alarming glitches of the product are revealed, these people become the first victims. The Sanlu poisoned baby formula scandal that shocked China 10 years ago well illustrates this point. The brand wouldn’t have been so well-known if not for a couple of renowned actresses’ endorsement.

Advertising indeed accounts for asignificant portion of a company’s revenue, and some adverts do serve the role of promoting social awareness, but we can’t deny the negative effects it exerts on children’s eating habits and adults spending behaviors. Adults should form better judgment in a world of an array of misleading information, and act as better supervisors for their children when it comes to information access.