该内容已被发布者删除 该内容被自由微信恢复
文章于 2021年9月15日 被检测为删除。
查看原文
被用户删除
其他

2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛赛题及冠/亚/季军议论文展示

2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛决赛议论文赛题

 

Can being positive backfire?

 

Optimism provides a multitude of benefits across many facets of life. Researchers have linked looking on the bright side to everything from improved pain tolerance to increased longevity. There’s nodenying the incredible power an optimistic outlook can have on our health, relationships, and performance. But like much in life, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. There are some cases when an overly optimistic outlook can do more harm than good.


Suppose there is an online discussion forum on the topic “Can being positive backfire?” Write a post to the forum, clearly stating your opinion and supporting your ideas with specific reasons and examples. You should write about 800 words.

 

选手解题思路

 

(林远展,2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军)


拿到题目之后,我足足看了三遍题目中的文本信息。其中,提到了两点:一是being positive;二是being overly positive。我自己的想法就是折中。然后,开头明确提出自己的观点再以一个详例子和三个短例子对所持观点进行适当佐证。接着回到文本信息中的overly positive,对其提出反对和批评,并选取一个例子进行佐证,证明为什么要反对overly positive。最后是对整体的总结,明确表达自己对题目 “Can being positive backfire?”的看法。

 

冠军议论文赏析

 

注:文章为从系统摘出的原生作品,目的是为了展现出选手三个小时内的写作风貌,可能存在部分拼写错误,仅供学习分享使用。

 

Emotions are miscellaneous, such as optimism and pessimisism; merriment and sorrow; excitement and despondency;... Human beings are inherently emotional and emotions do play a significant role in our actions and attitudes. We may encounter some personal tragedies or sufferings, but the actions and attitudes we take might differ. For example, being moderately positive means that we can keep a sanguine outlook on our experience; means that we can transmute the negative feelings into a positive attitude towards our frustration; means that we can look the unpleasant matters in a positive light and tackle them with great resilience. Personally, I espouse bing a moderately positive individual.


Hellen Keller, who was blind and deaf, became a celebrated writers with unflagging belief in herself and unyielding willpower. In front of Hellen Keller, there lied two options: either live live to its fullest or wither away like the autumn leaves. Instead of capitulating to the sheer darkness and silence, she harbored prodigious fortitude to vanquish the personal trageies and sufferings. Under the assistance of her teacher Anne, she learnt Braille and writing. After reading a sea of books, Hellen Keller soaked up all the quintessence and wisdom of other writers and attempted to write her own. The spirit of never being pessimistic sustained her in the most darkest hours of her life and she rose like a shinging star in the firmament of writing. Her teacher also held a positive belief in Hellen so she resolved to help Hellen face life positively.


There are innumerable other examplars of being moderately positive. Thomas Edison, by dint of a postive mindset and unwavering pursuit, invented the most endurable and suitable material to make the incandescent bulb which marked the inauguration of the electrical era. Madame Curie, by virtue of a optimistic attitude and steadfast tenacity, extracted an infinitesimal amount of radium from tons of impure materials after three-year-and-nine-month experiment and advocated to use radioisotope to cure cancer which rendered humanity a powerful weapon to fight against the fatal disease. Hua Luogeng, a renowned Chineses methematician, metamorphosed into a math master by holding a positive outlook and unswerving doggedness.


It's not hard to find the common denominator of the brilliant and reverent giants: a positive outlook towards the sufferings and failures.


Being moderately positive will arm us with an effective weapon to repel the enemies of negative feelings that will hold us back and become a stumbling block on the way ahead. It will bolster up our belief and confidence in the face of the mishaps and torments and we will possess a more optimistic perspective to the life tragedies. Being moderately positive is like a beacon light of hope which will illuminate our way ahead and resembles a lighthouse which show us the path when we are disoriented. Then all the darkness will fade away and crumble into dust. Being moderately positive is the inner force which propels you froward in the teeth of setback and hurdles. We will ooze confidence and persistence no matter how tough the situation is.


Nevertheless, we are supposed to put the positive mindset in perspective, which means we need to understand it in the appropriate and right way. Here the positive mindset is a moderately positive one, not overly optimistic. Anything that is too much will backfire. The last emperor of Shang Dynasty was being too sanguine and optimistic and believed that his kingdom was impregnable and was never to be toppled by others. Thus he sank into the debauched and promiscuous lifestyle, listened to the malign suggestions of his diabolical officers and precluded any good suggestions from being sent to him. The decadence and depravity eventually led to his downfall and his power was nullified and compromised. This renders us a good lesson that we shall never become overly optimistic about our lives, works, conditions and circumstances because undue and inordinate optimism led to the complacent and smug mentality. It is always counterproductive.


Individuals should always strive for the better selves rather than rest and wallow in self-contentment when the achievements are made. That is why being overly optimistic should be deprecated and criticized.


So, what we need to do is to differentiate the positive mind from the overly-optimistic one, for there is a blurry line between these two. Our capacity to distinguish between them must be acuqired by constant failures and attempts. Always being moderately positive is not an easy task and trying to keep it is even much harder. Sometimes we will become disheartened and lose all the hope; sometimes we will enjoy the exhilaration of being successful and then get obsessed with the current achievements. Through failures, we can have a much clearer interpretation of being moderately postive. And this is a long process that should be covered step by step and brick by brick.


Can being positive backfaire? I cannot answer in the affirmative. But add "moderately" to the sentence: Can being moderately positive backfire? My answer is definitely NO.

 

往届选手点评

 

牛云凤,2013“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军

 

对于议论文来说,审题永远都是重中之重。而其实审题也是最具趣味性的,品味题目的引导性,琢磨关键词带来的启发。这篇议论文的题目恰恰就是这种非常吸引人的类型。读到疑问句的标题“Can being positive backfire?”让人耳目一新。通常提到乐观主义,大家想到的可能都是其种种好处。题目材料第一段也顺着读者的思路写出了乐观使人长寿、助人成功等等。但笔锋一转,材料第一段最后两句给出了这篇文章的关键:乐极可能生悲。关键词是“Overly optimistic outlook”。分析到这里可能对于许多同学来说,这道题的谜已经解了。乐观是好的,但乐到极端则会有害。因此推断只有适度乐观才是解决办法,就如白马非马。材料第二段则为硬性的要求:字数限制,陈述观点并提供支持的材料、理由或实例。


从内容上说,作者的这篇文章内容详实,论据有力。第一段虽并没有开门见山,而是谈论了人性情多变,乐观有其独特的好处。但第一段结尾给出了明确的论点:Personally, I espouse being a moderately positive individual.这里如果观察仔细的话就能发现作者的高明之处在于对题目的回应。作者作出了回应并没有逃避冲突,但绝不是盲目的回应是或否,而是有条件的回应。“moderately” 这个副词的出现体现了作者审题的功力。立论之后就要提供论据来支持论点。作者分别选取了海伦凯勒和居里夫人作为主要的正面实例。接下来的过渡段非常巧妙的总结了她们成功的众多因素中的“公分母”是乐观的态度。并进一步引出证实了适度的乐观确实对人大有裨益。而接下来笔锋一转到了驳论的阶段,过度乐观有怎样的害处呢?作者举了商纣王荒淫无度、贪图享乐最终家破国亡的例子给人以警示,也充分证明了过度乐观的害处。那我们究竟该如何做呢?作者在倒数第二段提议我们应在成功和挫折中学会调适、适度乐观。文章最后一段意味深长,回应论点,整篇文章显示了作者严密的逻辑和辩证的思维。


语言运用也是该文章一大亮点。词汇丰富,运用自如。比如:prodigious fortitude, unswerving doggedness, mishaps and torments和setbacks and hurdles 等短语充分体现了作者高端词汇运用的娴熟。而像Braille, radioisotope和the incandescent bulb等不常用的技术型的词汇体现了作者词汇量之大。除此之外,作者句式运用灵活多变,长短句交叉结合非常老练。作者还尤其擅长使用修辞,文章中大量使用排比,对偶和比喻等修辞手法,都体现了作者深厚的语言功底。


从结构来看,整个谋篇布局一气呵成。开头给出论点。主体明晰,立论有据,驳论有力。结论明确,首尾呼应。三大部分之间的过度和衔接也非常自然。组织顺序合理,再一次提醒大家提纲的重要性。


不得不承认,这是一篇难得的好议论文,各方面都可圈可点,尤其是作者既有男选手擅长的缜密的逻辑,又有优美精确的语言实在难得。当然,看到各闪光点的同时也要注意到细节的不完美。比如,作者有多处拼写错误,冠词使用不当等。但瑕不掩瑜,短短三个小时的时间,好文章倚马可待,相信作者完成这样一篇美文落笔划上句点时应该是幸福得让人羡慕吧。



选手破题思路

 

袁铭钰,2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛亚军

 

这次议论文的题目很明确,Can being positive backfire?和其他选手一样,我认为折衷处理这类问题最妥帖,但是这样立意就会显得cliché,所以要从例子和说理部分弥补新意。


在第二和第三段,我试图论述being overly positive/optimistic的不当之处:形成碎片化的人格和无法融入社会。这两段里我分别用黑童话和二战时期英国国葬来例证我的观点,试图佐证健全人格的形成建立在对事物两面的平等接受,融入社会正需要这种从小培养起的健全人格。第四段我提出要对自我和世界有清醒认识,我试着分析“too much optimism”的成因其实是隐藏于心的pessimism,正是因为恐惧真实的自己才惯用乐观的假面来伪装,而真正成熟的价值观在于直面人生起落但始终保持清醒。


总之,这篇文章的结构,例证和语言都比较规矩,很多不足之处还需改进。

 

选手佳作展示

 

Personal temperament always varies a great deal. Optimistic and pessimistic is a pair of antonyms that confuses most of people, extrovert and introvert are likewise. There is no denying that an adorable person often wears an optimistic smile. However, following reasons will centre on being optimistic is not omnipotent. There still exists invisible harms to those who hold optimism deeply in heart.


To begin with, personal temperament is too complex to merely encompass sole emotion. An overly optimism is certainly problematic and shows an immature and fragmentary personality. Admittedly, parenting and school education always teach us a bright, kind and philanthropic side of society, personality and humanity, from which our first stage personality, namely the bright one is formed. However, the alleged bright personality predominated by optimism is childish when we start our own life at our twenties. Freed from the ivory tower and walking into outer world, we are cheered and still holding the optimism deeply in heart even though we may know that the real society is not purely bright and prosperous as it appears. Most of people are stuck into the dire strait that the unconscious worry comes into true and optimism should lose its magic power. Simply being optimistic equals naivety and immaturity since the society is far from a rosy imagination. As a real human being, rather than the protagonist living in the fairy tale, it is the seemingly filthy society that we survive and rely on. For instance, a dark fairy tale has been recently introduced. It aims at unfolding the veil of society by illustrating another ending of several classic bedtime stories, namely an ending that is not so happy and acceptable to juveniles. The stories rewritten reveal the real society to children they will encounter in future in a relatively euphemistic way and help children to build an integrated personality apart from purely being optimistic. Therefore, a truly mature personality definitely involves various complex characteristics, and being mature means accepting both the dark and bright sides of society.


In addition, people who often wear an overly optimistic outlook are incapable of fitting them in the society. As it has been mentioned, human personality is formed complex to fit the human in the same complex society. Viewed through the lens of the above theory, different social occasions require different emotions or characteristics. For instance, a newly-enlisted soldier should not wear any emotional outlooks in the UK during the World War II since they cannot bear any loss of their fellow countrymen in battlefield. People were immersing themselves in dread even hatred feelings then, and the soldiers represented their home counterparts were too sorrow to celebrate their victory. And any happy or optimistic outlooks would be regarded as disrespect to the dead in the serious national funeral so that people like that could not fit into the surroundings. The society is strictly run by the willingness of the majority; most outsiders cannot fit themselves in the society for they exaggerating their difference. Certainly, a likeable person sometimes shows his confidence is popular and widely accepted, however, the confidence and optimist will evolve into arrogance that is widely unacceptable in any circumstances. Therefore, fitting into the society is not simply imitating others or following the trends but choosing the most proper to share and similarity and show the difference.


Moreover, overly optimist, to some extent, showing an unclear perspective towards self and world. A clear perspective is tightly linked to self-actualization and world view. Neither people with immature personality nor people hard to fit in the society can possess the opportunity to have a clear perspective that too much witty people chased after but still failed to do likewise. The precondition of establishing a clear perspective lies in the multiple characteristics, otherwise the lucid view will turn into a blind one. For example, being overly optimistic mirrors the truth that the person dodges his shortcomings deliberately rather than confront with them bravely. A seemingly optimistic person probably to terrified to show his pessimist and fear, so he treats everything in blind optimist and conceal his real feelings inside, which does great harm to build a clear perspective towards life. And a truly clear one is facing the ebbs and flows of life than put the axe in the helve one by one instead of showing the glamorous outside and leaving the inside rotten.


In conclusion, disadvantages of an overly optimistic personality certainly outweigh the advantages. On the one hand, viewed through the lens of psychology, an integrated personality encompasses much more characteristics than purely optimist, which equips a human being with a prerequisite living in the modern society. On the other hand, sociologist suggests, human beings that live together will share the common ground, consequently, an overly optimistic person can hardly fit in such situation proved by both historic and current instances.

 

往届选手点评

 

牛云凤,2013“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军

 

整体来说,该篇议论文论点明确,内容较为详实。


作者第一段简短优美,两句话之后就引出了文章的论点:乐观并不是万能的,也有其隐藏的害处。这个观点让人耳目一新,人们通常认为乐天派才是好的,乐观才会好运。而作者却从对立面入手,认识到乐观有时也会有”invisible harms”,立意新颖。接下来作者从三个方面陈述了原因:


1. 我们小时候接受的教育都是教我们乐观,而当我们真正长大面对社会的真面目时,一切美好的幻想都化成泡沫,我们也将不知所措。该段中以当下流行的”dark fairy tales”为例,说理性强,颇有亮点。


2. 仅仅只有“乐观”这种性格的人难以完全适应社会。社会的复杂性要求人的性格也应复杂多变,以适应不同的场合,也就是我们所说的随机应变。此处作者举了在纪念阵亡战士的仪式上,当人们都悲痛缅怀时,那些一味乐观、庆祝战争胜利的人是不受爱戴、不合时宜的。此段体现了作者思想的深度。


3. 作者认为过度乐观的人无法对自己和世界有清晰的认知。人们可能拿乐观当借口,用乐观的幌子遮掩自己内心的恐惧,并指出好的人生观是直面人生的起伏,而不是金玉其外败絮其中。可能由于时间原因,这一段略显仓促,但作者依然以其独到而深刻的见解鹤立鸡群。文章结尾自然流畅,总结了过度乐观害大于益,有力的回应了论点。


从结构上看,该篇属于典型的“问题-原因-结论”组织方式。每段均有明显的过渡短语是一大亮点。第一段引出论点后,从第二段到第四段属于文章的主体部分,每段分别以”To begin with”, ”In addition”和”Moreover”开始,结尾段以”In conclusion”开始,次序分明,在这样一篇需要读者集中精力分析其精彩说理的文章中,更增强了其可读性。


从语言来说,本篇也不乏句式优美、饱含哲理的亮点词句。比如,”ivory tower”和”dire stait”; “unconscious worry ”和”rosy imagination”,对比之中饱含深意。另如,”A truly clear perspective towards life is facing ebbs and flows of life then put the axe in the helve one by one instead of showing the glamorous outside and leaving the outside rotten.”等等。


如果说思想的深度是本文最大的亮点,那值得改进的地方是语法和句法。本文中多次出现像”bear any lose”; “too much witty people”; ”he treat….and conceal….” 以及It is a great harm to building这样的动宾搭配错误,形容词名词搭配不当,主谓不一致等问题及其他句式问题。



选手破题思路

 

韩宁宁,2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛亚军

 

根据题目,我觉得更偏向于说“过于积极乐观”不好的一面,因为积极心态对人的好处似乎是不言而喻的,过度积极的消极影响反而更值得引起注意。因此我确定立意为过度乐观、一味积极有时候也会带来消极影响,并把题目定positive can be negative,从而让两个反义词形成强烈对比,更加突出主题。


Introduction点明背景,揭开议题,引出个人观点。Body分为个人和国家两个层面,其中个人又包括两点:第一,过于乐观可能导致盲目自信,从而走入两个极端:要么高估自己,目标不切实际,导致失败,反而打击自信;要么自高自大,不全力以赴,导致失败。第二,过度以自我为中心,不利于团队合作。文中所举的例子都是从切身经历、所感所悟出发,所以可能让人觉得不太成熟、不太有深度。平时我的文章中也暴露过这个问题,还需要不断改进。然后以清朝时期闭关锁国、固步自封、导致落后,进一步阐明过度积极、盲目乐观不利于一个国家的进步与发展。Conclusion再次总结概括正文观点,加以强化。


总的来说,个人感觉记叙文发挥还不错,可能赛前有过练习,加之高英课文正好也刚学过两篇记叙文,所以有那种写作状态。自己这篇议论文主题鲜明,结构清晰,也很规矩,但依然是不够有深度、有思想,稍显稚嫩,今后还有很大的提升空间。


最后,打字速度、思维跟进、对时间的把控也是写出赛场好文的重要保证。

 

选手佳作展示

 

文章为从系统摘出的原生作品,目的是展现出选手3个小时内的写作风貌,可能存在部分拼写错误,仅供学习分享使用。

 

Recently, it arouses a heated debate that whether being positive can backfire. As is widely accepted that being optimistic is strongly connected to pain tolerance and long life span. However, As a Chinese saying goes, something over is as bad as something less. There are indeed some cases when an overly optimistic outlook can backfire and disappoint us.


To start with, being too optimistic about yourself can probably make you drowned in blind confidence. We are encouraged to be confident, to trust ourselves that we are always the best and we are the champions in life. It seems that we are the superman, who is powerful beyond imagine. As long as we strive for our goal, we can get whatever we want. However, as a matter of fact, that is not the case. Under many circumstances, being over positive can prevent us from juding the specific situation and making the right decision. It may result in two extreme attitudes but the same sequence--failure and disappointment. On the one hand, overly optimistic can make you neglect you competitors or enemies. You feel so good about yourself that nothing matters in your mind. You are already the winner unconsciously, so you will make less effort to struggle for it. Take me for example, before I took part in the FLTRP speaking contest, I feel so confident about myself. I thought I am good at public speaking because I won the first prize in an English speaking contest in our university. With that "confidence", I did not prepared too much or too carefully. However, my performance in the competition turned out to be a disaster. In front of 5 unfamiliar judges and so many audiences, I started to be nervous. I even forgot my original speech! As a result, I just got the third award and did not enter the final. That shows how terrible to be overly optimistic. On the other hand, being too positive drives you to pursue big dreams that even far beyond your ability. Once you fail on it, you will suffer from a heavy hit. You insist that nothing is impossible as long as you think about it and struggle for it. You can only run 10000 meters, but your "self-confidence" tells you insistently that you can run as far as you like. Maybe you have run 15000 meter, it surpasses your conservative goal--10000 meters, nevertheless, you still have a long way to go to reach 20000 meters. That sense of failure and disappointment may beat you up to pulp. On the contrary, you will doubt and despise yourself. All the examples above illustrates that over optimism imposes a negative influence on individuals.


Not only being too positive about yourself can cause failure and despair, but also is detrimental for a cooperative relationship. Nowadays, cooperation is far more important than competition. No matter in work or study, cooperation can stimulate each other to new ideas, and differnt people sitting together are more easily to come up with intriging and inspring innovations. However, being over positive bout yourself can sometimes make you self-centered and turn a deaf ear to others' opinions. That is the biggest weakness and advantage of being too self-confident. Recently, Tu Youyou is famous for the winning of Nobel Prize in medical treatment. Whereas, to many people's surprise, she has not got any doctor's degree and is not in a high status. Majority of people may purily focus on the fantastic achievement she makes, but without considering the reasons behind the low status and dissatisfation from the colleagues. According to the report, some colleagues interviewed revealed that Tu Youyou was not willing to share her achivements and fruits in the study. She was not good at cooperating with others, and that also accounts for why she is a Nobel Prize Winner but is not popular and respected by many people. That reminds us of the significance of cooperation and negative effect of being overly positive about ourselves. Maybe you are superior in some regards, but that does not means others do ont have some advantages you can learn from. Being overly positive about oneself buries the seed of potential risks.


In addition, being too positive offers less opportunities to progress. People who are over optimistic just circle themselves in their own small world, like the frog in the bottom of well--with a mice sight. In ancient times, China suffered poorly from its over selfsatisfaction. In Qing dynasty, the emperor turned a blind eye to the achievements of western countries. He could not be more satisfied with the economy, politics, army and culture. The advanced technology and excellent experiences in other countries are totally ignored by the stupid emperor. Consequently, it was the 'best" era, but also the "worst" era, because since then, China made few accomplishments and that was the beginning for China to fall behind western countries. Chinese used gunpowder to make fireworks and firecrackes for entertainment, while it was applied to military weapons in the West; the compass in China was used for superstitoion, while it was took advantage of by westerners for voyages in the sea. It was exactly the over optimism of China that made a world power to fall behind other countries.


To conclude, over optimism contributes to individual failure and disappointment, weak cooperative mind and causes a country to stop developing. Therefore, no matter for individuals or countries, being overly positive can turn into negative impacts in some circumstances.

 

往届选手点评

 

牛云凤,2013“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军

 

读完这篇文章最大的感触就是中规中矩,脚踏实地。字里行间能感受到作者一步一个脚印的沉着稳健。


作者在第一段使用中国成语“过犹不及”来引出自己的观点:过度乐观必受其害。“Something over is as bad as something less.”立论简短有力。但值得注意的是类似于“Recently there’s a heated debate about…”这类开头由于太刻板而不是非常讨喜。


作者在文章的主体部分给出了三个理由支持论点:


1. 过分乐观导致盲目自信。一方面,过度乐观使人轻敌;另一方面,过度乐观使人好高骛远。作者在此段的分析推理能力让人佩服,小缺憾是作者举的例子分别是自己参加“外研社杯”英语演讲大赛过于自信而落选和跑步不是想跑多远就能跑多远的例子,虽然也易于理解,为论点提供了支持,但更好的方式是使用更让人信服的例子,比如拿破仑在滑铁卢的失败就是过度乐观,盲目自信,忽略了敌人的优势和力量。


2. 过度乐观对合作型人际关系有害。作者分析了当代社会中合作往往比竞争重要,而对自己过度乐观则容易导致以自我为中心,不屑于向他人学习。作者此处举了屠呦呦获得诺贝尔奖但却与同事相处不和谐、不善于学习和分享的例子。虽有争议,但无可厚非。


3. 过度乐观给人留下极小的进步空间,就如井底之蛙,鼠目寸光。此段作者选取了清王朝一度繁华而统治者却目光短浅、闭关锁国的例子,非常巧妙得当。最后一段再一次返回论点,总结三个原因,得出过度乐观对个人对国家都有害的结论。


从结构上看文章结构严谨,善于使用关联词。开头引出论点后,从第二段到第四段属于文章的主体部分,每段分别以“To start with”, “Not only…but also” 和“In addition”开始,结尾段以“In conclusion”开始,结构明晰。


本文的语言简洁有力,虽并没有使用过多华丽的词汇或复杂的句式,但读起来自然、流畅,使人心旷神怡。作者擅于引用谚语俗语,使用排比、对偶等修辞手法。“something more is as bad as something less”; “a frog in the bottom of well---with a mouse’s sight”; 以及“bury the seed of potential risks”等表达不仅形象贴切,而且寓意深刻。


同时,由于时间紧迫,文中也出现了像“does not means”和“did not prepared”这种小错误,但并不影响文章的整体,值得我们认真研读,仔细分析并加以学习。



选手破题思路

 

郭浩辰,2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛季军

 

看到这个题目的时候,我觉得它和自己的想法是一致的。我也联想到了很多伟大的哲学家、文学家,他们都对人生抱有悲观的态度。所以我的思路是:在不否认乐观对于人生有积极意义的同时,提出我们还可以换一个角度看待生命。也许生命的本质不那么让人愉快,也许生命中的“意义”和“意思”不会如同我们所期待的那样多。


与其盲目乐观、自我欺骗,不如 come to terms with the brutal reality. “花枝春满,天心月圆”的不悲不喜,才是至高的境界。

 

选手佳作展示

 

文章为从系统摘出的原生作品,目的是展现出选手三个小时内的写作风貌,可能存在部分拼写错误,仅供学习分享使用。

 

I am a persimist, an incurable persimist. That's probably why I was always told, by kind, encourging people, that "You should have an optimistic outlook on life. Always look at the silver linings!" Without even questioning, I bore that saying in mind and attempted to believe in its positive energy. When suffering setbacks, I used to console myself again and again with those words. Yet my life didn't seem to improve in the slightest just because I tried so hard to be positive. It finally ocurred to me that, being positive is neither a way out of adversity; nor it it capable of directing our life to a brighter tomorrow. Disappointing enough, positivity surely backfires.


The worst about being positive is that it incapacitates us to prepare for the worst. Optimism is apt to run unbridled and develop into blind optimism. Last year, I took a very important accreditation test, but I screwed it in a very shameful way. That was the consequence of being overly positive.Prior to the test, I did substantial practice but still felt like it would not be a 100% victory. Realizing that, I was overwhelmed by a fit of frustration and fear. Then those words about being positive started to echo in my mind: why think of the worst case scenario? What if the test would be much easier than anticipated? Even if I failed, did it mean the end of the world? After all, there would be endless opportunies ahead. The thought convinced me, so I chose not to push myself too hard, expecting good luck would knock on my door. The result, however, pulverished all my previous positivity: it was, to my astonishment, a two-point miss. I couldn't help thinking that had I shrugged off my blind optimism and taken more efforts, would things be different? This "waterloo" taught me a lesson: being positive is like always betting on one side of the coin tossed by God -- if God does exist. Positivity may thus render us defenseless to unexpected misfortune and leave us vulnerable to the uncertainty of life.


Some may refute this point by arguing for the signifance of positivity in helping us to tide over hard times, but this notion my be problematic in the first place. When I felt my sky was gray, I thought a rainbow was coming in the way. Yet an arrary of successive gloomy days made my optimistic fantacy like a castle in the air. When I desperately needed a shoulder to cry on, I found that no one could understand my pain and realized that one is destined to walk a lonely road for some time. This is where the pitfall of being positive lies. It offers a tempting yet dangerous presumption that in life, good things are bound to outnumber bad ones. In other words, if life is a journey, it must be a generally pleasant one, despite the trecherous swamps and thrilling thorns, which occassionally get in the way. But what if life is not supposed to be like that? If not contented with the present, we will habitually look ahead for a promising future. This kind of positivity is quite common, if not universal. Such good wishes, however, are neglectful of the very fact that life never goes the way we want: the future may turn out to be even tougher. Compared with being positive, there is a better alternative: assume that life is meant to be hard; take it for granted that the unwanted are more than the wanted. This way, we can appreciate and cherish what's rare in life, such as joy and happiness, and go through the inevitable setbacks in a more composed manner.


Positivity is not a bad thing in itself, but it's likely to deter us from coping with difficulties and getting a full picture of life. Many literary giants and great philosophers, such as Virginia Woolf and Thourau, may not always restort to positivity in their eventful lives. That's probably because, if one stays positive, that's no worse than seeing the world through stained glasses or a klaidoscope. However beautiful the view appears, it is, at any rate, an illusion. Admittedly, positivity does offer us a good way to shield usselves from the cruel or even brutal reality, yet that cannot always work. It is better to unveil the mask of life and see through its nature of futility and disappointment. In case optimism backfires -- and it certainly will, it is better to go beyond positivity and face squarely the harsh reality.

 

往届选手点评

 

牛云凤,2013“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军

 

该文最大的亮点是反其道而行之,立意新颖。当大多数人选择中庸之道时,作者却敢于直面题目的冲突,表达自己真正的想法,最真的往往是最能打动人的。


作者第一段讲述了自己是悲观主义者。听过许多乐观主义的道理,却依然过不好这一生,因为现实中乐观既不能救人于水火,又不能指引人走向人生巅峰。因此得出论点:Disappointing enough, positivity surely backfires. 真的是别出心裁,第一段就能吸引读者的兴趣,让人迫不及待想知道作者如此“悲观”的理由是什么呢?作者给出的第一个理由是 positivity incapacitates us to prepare for the worst. 人们往往期待最好的,却从不做最坏的打算。作者通过自己考试依赖运气而不是努力的“滑铁卢”论证了乐观有时就是用上帝之手抛硬币赌一把,让我们在失败和不幸面前惊慌失措。


第三段进入驳论阶段。作者认为许多人可能反对他自己的意见,认为乐观可以帮助人们度过难关。作者认为这种普世的观点是经不起推敲的。该段是作者说理性非常强、逻辑非常清晰的一段,作者指出大多数人认为人生的美好一定多于不幸,但实际是人生之不如意十之八九,大多数人都太理想化活在泡沫里。只有我们承认人生的诸多困难时,才会更加珍惜幸福的好时光。这种观点看似悲观,却懂得乐观寓于悲观,悲观是为了更好的乐观,实属难得。


最后一段稍作总结,指出乐观本身不坏,但如果人们总是戴着有色眼镜或通过万花筒看世界,一切美好都太虚幻。因此我们应该直面人生中的困难与挫折,"in case optimism backfires—and it certainly will".


纵观整篇文章,从立意到结构都绝不循规蹈矩,却也衔接自然,逻辑缜密,让人有一种形散神不散的感觉。


这也要归功于作者每一段的主旨句。开头引出论点后,2-4段每段第一句都是主旨句,然后循序渐进,逐渐展开,层次分明。


其次作者非常善于使用插入语、小短句等。长短句错落有致、运用娴熟,而且语言优美。如:This "waterloo" taught me a lesson: being positive is like always betting on one side of the coin tossed by God — if God does exist. 和 "That's probably because, if one stays positive, that's no worse than seeing the world through stained glasses or a kaleidoscope. However beautiful the view appears, it is, at any rate, an illusion. "


作者reasoning的功力比较好,稍微的不足之处是exemplification略显生疏,结尾有力回应了论点,却未能总结主要论据,也未能展开如何解决问题,仓促结束,使人稍有不尽兴之感。


但总体来说,作者功力深厚,为我们提供了一篇不错的范文,值得我们学习!



选手破题思路

 

王希,2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛季军


面对 “Can being positive a backfire”的题目,首先我意识到这会是一篇思辨性很强的文章,即在某一特定条件下,挖掘积极事物的消极方面。在题目要求中,转折语句后的“too much” , “overly optimistic outlook”均体现了这一点。因此,文章重点应围绕乐观主义的危害、消极性展开,而“特定条件”就是乐观的程度是过量的。


确立了写作重点,接下来需要考虑的是篇章布局。最终我是按照分群体来阐述的,由小及大,由近及远——按照独立个人、人与人间的联系以及整个社会三个方面分类,分别用具体事例等支持材料阐述过度积极带给这些事物的危害与消极影响。


此外,为确保文章的严谨性,避免以偏概全或过于偏激,我在论述过程中多次强调适量的积极是有益的,过量才导致危害。


然而我在现场并未能够较好地完善此篇文章。篇章布局不均匀,有点头重脚轻,过程中对支持材料的阐述也不够充分,这些都是以后需要尽可能避免的问题。

 

选手佳作展示


文章为从系统摘出的原生作品,目的是展现出选手三个小时内的写作风貌,可能存在部分拼写错误,仅供学习分享使用。


Dying in numb ecstacy


Since I was a little child, my teacher and parents have always told me: "Believe in yourself, and you can make it!" In other words, they have been bestowing optimism,the extremely precious and indispensable quality, to me in childhood, so that I would have the ability to live under this invisible but powerful shelther during the whole hard lifetime, going throught all the harshness and bitterness overwhelmingly hit my face. Indeed, during the 20 years of my life, I have been rescued by this very powerful vehicle from time to time. However, as I grew up, acumulating experiences and deepening insight towards life, I came to view this unique human quality in a different light: while moderest and rational optimism can survive human beings from time to time, the overuse of it will directly lead to death in numb ecstacy. That is to say, overly optimistic outlook can do more harm than good, even cause a great catastrophy. Being overly optimistic means ingoring potential harms underlying the bright surface, doing great harm to individuals, relationships and the whole society.


First of all, the overused dose of optimism can hurt or even destroy an individual both physically and psychologically by forgetting to check personal drawbacks,turning brilliant confidence into disastrous conceit. On the one hand, the chance of suffering from serious physical disesses would greatly increase by the optimistic ignorace of one's potential health problems. Although being optimistic can pull sick people through all the great pains of their bodies and souls, the over use of it can be catastrophic. This has been always echoing in my head since the death of my dear grandfather. Aftering being overall healthy for about ten more years, he became immensely confident to his own health condition. Every time he went to the square for working out his body or just wandering around, he always boasted his superior constitution to others, like "Hey young man,why are you looking so pale today? The last time I went to hospial, you were still lying on the diaper! , or"I dare to say that I will enjoy he longevity until 200 years old!" ,and so forth. He felt so flatterd and satisfied in the admiring and envious looks of others that even when he had a stomache, he would say that he just ate something hard to digest and would feel better soon. Every time we urged him to have a health check, he would deny stubbornly and firmly. As a result, after two years struggle, he died from a serious and long lasting stomach cancer. When the result came out, the doctor sighed with great regret and told us his disease could have been cured earlier and many of his patients died not of the disease themselves, but the ouverused dose of optimism. On the other hand, mentally over optimism always make people underestimate the harshness of a task or an enemy. It's a truth that rational optimism can bestow people with power to conquer fomidable mountains in their, lifes, but the over of it may cause them die at the bottom of a hill.This can be vividly illustared in battles. In the Story of Three Kingdoms, Guanyu was so confident about his military power so that he indulged himself in enjoyness and binge every day. As a result, he lost his region out of this carelessness cause by over optimism, turnging confidence into great conceit. If there is over optimis, there is personal suffering.


In addition to personal catastrophy, over optimism also push relationships to the edge to a dangerous stiff, for it blind people's eyes and make them take every goodwill of others for granted. This can easily fall on intimate reltionships. . Maybe the catastrophic over optimism more often dawns on romantic affairs. Every time people are curiously gazing at a TV screen with a crying girl and confused utterance like "Why he betrayed me like that? He had been so well to me and always satisfied my every single requirement."Just like the experts analyse, this girls are too optimistic about their relationships to forget to look back and check her own mistakes and the potential problems lying under the romantic surface. They always suppose that their lovers love them so much that those boys would do anything for them unconditonally. But in fact,nothing is unconditional, and no relationship can be maintained by only one side's permanent sacriface.

 

Based on the habit of being overly and always blindly optimistic, enormous disasters can fall on the whole society out of the ignoracne of potential thrents and seemingly prosperity. Many nations and societies have proved this before.


All in all, although optimism can equip people with great power, the over use of it can lead them die in numb ecstacy. Feeling good can make people feel like floating in the heaven, but only worries can pull them down to earth, going through all the difficulities in the human world. So never overuse optimism in life: one can undoubtedly turn this healing drug into emtremly poison.

 

往届选手点评

 

牛云凤,2013“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军

 

可能由于考试时间有限,大多数选手都不会给文章起个标题。或许很多人想全部写完再写标题最后却忘记了。本文有标题是值得表扬的,但Dying in numb ecstacy也稍有不妥,一是在狂欢中麻木地死去太夸张,二是numb和ecstacy的搭配有待商榷。


从内容来看,文章第一段作者讲述了从小被鼓励要乐观到长大后对乐观却有了新的感悟,最后一句提出论点:过度乐观意味着忽视美好表面背后的潜在危害,对个人、人际关系乃至整个社会都有害处。第二段详细解释了第一个分论点:过度乐观对人身心不利。作者分别举了自己爷爷因对自己的健康过度乐观,拒绝及时检查治疗而获胃癌去世的例子以及关羽因过于乐观、精神涣散以至于损失惨重的例子。说理和举例穿插进行,使人信服,但语言不简明,稍显冗长。第二个分论点是对人际关系有害,本段也非常具有趣味性。作者举了众多偶像剧中出现的经典桥段:女主角哭着嘶喊,不明白男主角曾经对她千依百顺,为什么后来会背叛她。因为人们总是盲目乐观,认为关系亲密的人做一切都是理所当然,而不会审视自己、珍惜对方。第三个分论点作者阐述了过度乐观对整个社会有害。结尾段总结论点,指出乐观这剂药使用得当是" healing drug ",过度使用则会变成" extreme poison "。


整篇文章结构是亮点,组织层次分明。开头立论明确,主体三个分论点逻辑清晰,结尾简短有力。语言运用能力强,多次使用对比和比喻等修辞手法。


不足之处是多次出现中式英语,比如:work out his body(work out 本身就是锻炼身体的意思); out of this carelessness cause(由于粗心的原因,从汉语直译到英语)以及suffer drawback这种类似中式英语、搭配不当的用法。分词从句的用法再稍加注意定能更上层楼~



选手破题思路

 

张正,2015“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛季军

 

读到议论文的中心词“positive”后,就知道该文章要采用辩证的手法议论“positive”的好处和“overly positive”适得其反的效果。


议论文结构明确,第一段描述现象和人们的争议,再表述自己的观点。下文中便采用对比论证和举例论证的方法,文中多次佐证和支撑自己的观点:从悲观看其对立面——乐观是好事,而太过乐观会适得其反。最后在结尾处还得再次重申自己的论点。


议论文写作并无太多新颖思路,重在看举例的恰当性和论述的说理性,例子还要详略得当,逐层深入,有理有据。而在比赛时进行这篇文章的论述时发现自己例子和词汇积累太过单薄,说理也有些苍白无力,不够令人信服。

 

选手佳作展示


文章为从系统摘出的原生作品,目的是展现出选手三个小时内的写作风貌,可能存在部分拼写错误,仅供学习分享使用。

 

When referring to the word "positive", another word "negative" is habitually to come across people's mind. It is often without comparison, people will think highly of the former one and shows an unfavorable attitude to the latter one. In daily lives, it can be seen taht it is habitual for people to be in favor of positive words. Because they can be an encouragement for them, positive things, which can give an impetus to them, and positive people, who always serve as the idol for them to learn from--whose attitudes towards life, encouraging words for consolation, and their ways of interacting with people around them, etc. However, the question is, to the core, does all the things or people correlating with the word positive must bear the fruit of success or of the wonderful result? As far as I am concerned, it cannot be judged too absolute. To be inclined to the the word "positive" or "oppotimism" without hesitation would be too provincial, as the philosophy tells us we should have a dialetical mind.


Firstly, negativism, indeed, is a disturbance to people, which would make people feel discouraged, dismayed and inactive. Generally, people shane away with all the things which were negative. It has an experiment shows that with the factory painted in gray, black, and brown, workers who are surrounded in such a negative-hinted environment shows more inactivity and more inclination to suicide for the dull and dreary job which compels them to do day after day, campared with the workers in a brilliant painted factory which was decorated with red, yellow, or pink colors. That is, it can reach the conclusion that people indeed are possobily to be influenced by the negative hint, which as a result occurs people's unfavorable opinion, and on the contrary people are customary to be in favor of the postive colors. Therefore, just from this simple experiment, positive things truly outperform that of the negativism, so on the one hand oppotimism has its benefits, which cannot be denied, but the essence is, it should be kept in a moderate level, beyond which might get the reverse influence.


Several examples can be illustrated to reflect the hazards of over-positive attitudes. Guan Yu, a famous soldier of Shu State in period of Three Kindoms in the Chinese history, who enjoyed the fame of great martial art and gallantry, was supposed to be the best commander in chief to guard the Jinzhou town against the attack from the enemy; however, he lost the conquer of it because its over positive attitude--to devalue the enemy's power, which turned out to be egoism that resulted in the failure. And during the course of the Chinese People's War against Japenese Aggression, Japenese troops overvalued their power to conquer China's vast territory within 3 months, which, however, turned to be a unrealistic dream to conolize China and which also became a joke left in the history.


On the contrary, to control the oppotimism within a moderate level can be a supplement to the succeess. For instance, people with moderately positive attitudes towards challenge they face can on the one hand, make them have the courage to solve it through their painstaking efforts; on the other hand, worries and anxiety to a certain degree coming from the uncertainties they may face, can also be transformed as the motivation and inspiration for them to persist and carry on. Besides, people with moderate oppotimism are more welcome by the surrounded people, because they have confidence, but are never too proud; they have determination, but are never tyrant, which can add to their charm when people interact with or cooperate with them. It can be seen from the TV programs of challenging or competing games that those who are too oppotimistic are tend to overvalue themselves but to devalue their opponents, which always meet with the failure. Besides, just imagine, who like to cope with the people who have unrealistic oppotimism toward things by doing nothing and boasting the perfect result which cannot be achived at all.


All in all, endowing with the optimistic attitude towards life and work is a great thing to make one more oppotimistic about his future and add up his confidence to face the unexpected difficulties, to make one more charmy and easy to get on with, and make one have more sense to introspect and have an overall evaluation of oneself which can definitely increase the possibility of their success. Consequently, it is better to observe the rule of moderate, so people with positive attitude should be kept in a moderate level, because only through that way can their oppotimism exert its potential great influence.

 

往届选手点评

 

牛云凤,2013“外研社杯”全国英语写作大赛冠军

 

纵观全文,文章开头先解释了话题的背景。


从人们对乐观主义的喜爱到对消极主义的逃避,谈到乐观主义对人的鼓励作用并引出作者沉思的问题:是否乐观主义者做事就一定会有好结果?最后作者的论点是,不能轻易评判乐观悲观,哲学告诉我们要进行推理和思考。


一般来说,议论文的第一段以简短明了为主。虽不一定要开门见山,但也不能冗长,使读者失去耐心。作者语言技能娴熟,乐观和消极的对比也颇有新意,若能开篇再简洁些,省去过多的背景介绍,定能引人入胜。


另一点需要注意的是,本文章的论点不是非常明确,采取了典型的“中庸”之路,既肯定乐观的积极意义,又顾及过度乐观的消极影响。未能直面材料中提出的冲突,却也找到了折中的办法。


第二到四段是文章的主体部分。第二段是对乐观的积极作用的肯定。作者的举例选取了一个实验:工厂装饰颜色灰暗压抑时,工人懒惰、自杀倾向大;而当工厂装饰的颜色艳丽时,工人变得积极活跃;并由此引出了心理学中心理暗示的作用,因此,乐观的人更容易有积极的心理暗示,乐观的积极意义不可否定。同时作者提出不恰当的乐观主义会使人反受其害。第三段则通过关羽过分乐观、骄傲轻敌而惨败失城的例子和日本侵华妄想三个月占领中国却成为历史笑话的例子,论证了过度乐观的消极作用。第四段反过来说适当的乐观有助于人的成功。因为适度的乐观可以给人信心和勇气,还可以使人得到周围群体的尊重和支持。本段并没有给出具体的例证,以说理为主。


通过主体部分可以看作者敏捷的思维,千回百转,都对中心论点提供了有力的支持。


文章结尾虽未能总结论据,但能重复并返回到中心论点,体现了作者写作的经验。选手的综合语言素质高,除了语言风格一贯的正式和客观以外,句式处理灵活,擅长使用长句和复杂句。

 

当然,由于时间有限,个别长句存在缺乏主语的问题,也有些许主谓不一致和拼写错误,但瑕不掩瑜。文章内容充实,论证严谨,衷心希望作者再接再厉,成为他人榜样的同时成为更好的自己。


来源:全国英语写作大赛官网


推荐资料



全国大学英语四六级考试备考资料包(更新版)

干货!全国大学生英语竞赛资料包(21份)

17张英文治愈漫画:看,我的好朋友会发光耶!

演讲备赛ll如何搞定即兴演讲这位“老大难”?

2020“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作、阅读大赛样题

9月大学英语四六级考试流程及备考全攻略

500个大学英语四级高频词,建议收藏

11月大学英语四六级口语考试必备,自我介绍最全模板,建议收藏!

注意!这两类同学将取消12月四六级考试资格

大学英语四六级考试成绩提前知道!@全体考生

英语四六级口语考试流程及其他

全国大学英语四六级(CET)口试考核内容

全国大学英语四\六级考试(口试)样卷

2020年9月19日大学英语四级考试答案

2020年9月19日大学英语六级考试答案

四六级考试刚刚结束!这道题把人“烤”“醉”了......

2020年9月大学英语四级听力考试真题和参考答案(附听力音频)

大学英语四六级考前一定要知道的十件事

超实用的英语提分利器:人见人爱的手写英语印刷体(附视频教程)

: . Video Mini Program Like ,轻点两下取消赞 Wow ,轻点两下取消在看

您可能也对以下帖子感兴趣

文章有问题?点此查看未经处理的缓存