演说者：Matthew Hussey

演说题目：第一次约会，就该男生买单？

男女生第一次约会的时候，应该由谁付钱？是应该由男生请客吗？还是应该女生请客？还是两人应该AA制(do dutch)？这个话题常常会在网上引起热议。

https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?width=500&height=375&auto=0&vid=l053783cy8k

Matthew:

马修：

Let’s have one more question. 

我们再做一个最后的问答吧。

We had this in the back of the stripes. Yeah, let’s hear from you.

有请那位坐在最后一排的女士。对，请告诉我们你的想法。

The woman:

发言女性：

During the dating period, you know, like after 4 or 5 months of dating, at what point do the women have to pay when they go out?

在约会的过程中，比如，已经在一起4到5个月后，女方从什么时间点开始才必须付钱呢？

The guy is asking that it should be half and half at that point.

男方此时提议应该对半分。

Matthew:

马修：

At what point?

在什么时间点？

The woman:

发言女性：

When you’ve already been dating for 4 or 5 months.

当你们已经在一起4到5个月的时候。

Matthew:

马修：

Right.

嗯。

Look. OK. To give you a quick answer, and firstly, I think we should do the “Who should pay first” thing to begin with.

好，为了快一点回答你的这个问题，我觉得我们应该先回答“一开始谁付钱”这个问题。

When you’re on a date, who should pay?

约会的时候，到底该哪一边付钱？

The majority of the audience:

绝大部分观众：

Man.

男方。

The woman:

发言女性：

I know, that’s what I’ve told them. You know, I’m sorry.

对，我知道。我也是这么告诉他的，抱歉。

We’re dating. You’re the gentleman here. You’re supposed to pay.

我们在约会呢。你是个绅士，所以你当然应该付钱。

※ be supposed to do sth. 表示“在客观上理应做什么”。suppose 这个动词本身的意思则是“猜想”。

Matthew:

马修：

OK. He’s supposed to pay?

好。他应该付钱？

But you’re supposed to have sex with him whenever he says.

那么只要他提出要啪啪啪，你就应该和他啪啪啪对吧。

The woman:

发言女性：

No.

不是啊。

Matthew:

马修：

Where does this double standard come from?

为什么会有这样的双重标准？

I’m sorry. It’s the reality.

抱歉，然而事实就是如此。

You guys can moan at it all you want.

如果你们想对我发嘘声也没关系。

But the moment you say to a guy you have to pay for my time, you’re saying this relationship isn’t equal.

但是，当你说男方必须为你的时间付钱的时候，你实际上是在说这段关系是不平等的。

This relationship isn’t equal. My time is worth more than yours. So you should pay for it.

这段关系是不平等的。我的时间比你的值钱。所以应该由你来付钱。

I wonder what paradigm that sets up.

我很好奇这会起到什么样的榜样作用。

Here is my view.

我的观点是这样的。

If you go on a date with a guy and you don’t offer to pay your share, you weren’t taught right.

如果你和一个男生出去约会，而你又不提出要付钱，那你是没有被教育好。

※ go on a date with sb. 表示“与谁约会”，也可以说 have a date with sb.

If you go on a date and he doesn’t pay, he wasn’t taught right.

如果你们去约会，而他不付钱，那是他没有被教育好。

I can tell you right now. If I was dating someone and they never offered to pay, I wouldn’t be dating them.

我这么跟你说吧。如果我和一个人出去约会，而她不准备付钱，我是不会再约她的。

I can tell you right now. If I was dating someone and they never offered to pay, I would not be dating them, because I’d say this is the most polite they’re ever gonna be and they’re not even trying to pay now.

我可以这样告诉你，如果我和一个人出去约会，而她不准备付钱，我不会再约她，因为现在已经是她会表现得最礼貌的阶段了，而她在这个阶段都不打算付钱。

（观众问了些问题）

Ehhhh, what does that say about my future?

额，这会对我的未来有什么影响？

Look. Let me come at this from a different angle.

我们换个角度来看这个问题吧。

I would be treating...... I will always treat my partner how I will treat my best friend.

我会……我会像对待我最好的朋友一样来对待我的对象。

And I wouldn’t apply a different standard to my partner than my best friend.

我不会用不同的标准来对待我的对象和我最好的朋友。

I wouldn’t go...... I wouldn’t say to my best friend: “Let’s always go out to dinners and you always pay.”

我不会……我不会对我最好的朋友说：“我们以后出去吃饭都由你来付钱。”

I’d say: “Let’s be teammates here in whatever way we can.”

我会说：“我们应该尽可能为彼此着想。”

And maybe, by the way, proportionally, what you can do is less than what he can do.

另外，或许，按比例来算，你的经济实力不如他。

That’s a different thing.

但那是另一回事。

If he says to you: “I want to go to the top hotel on Big Sur this weekend. And it’s 1500bucks a night.” And you say: “I can’t. I don’t have the money.”, it’s his job to say: “It doesn’t matter. I didn’t to it so you could pay. I did it because I wanna go and I wanna take you.”

如果他说：“我周末想去大苏尔的顶级酒店。那里一晚上1500美元。”而你说：“我不能，我没有那么多钱。”那么他应该说：“没关系。我并不是想让你付钱。我就是想带你去。”

※bucks 和 dollars 一样表示“美元”，常见于口语。

Great!

这样才对！

That’s what that is, right?

是这么回事对吧？

Or if you both agree to go on holiday and you have a fifth of his earning potential and you say I wanna contribute to a fifth of this holiday -- it’s overly simplistic but you get what I’m saying, right? 

又或者，你们俩都同意去度假了，而你未来的潜在收入只有他的1/5，于是你说我希望只负担这次假期1/5的支出。（当然，这只是打个极其简单的比方，你知道我要表达什么意思。）

I will contribute on the level I can contribute.

你会负担你能负担的那部分。

Let me tell you what means something to a guy: Trying.

我来告诉你男方真正在乎的是什么：是你的意图。

That means something to a guy.

这才是男方真正在意的。

When he feels that you’re not even trying to contribute, that’s when he feels used.

如果他觉得你压根就不想付出任何东西，他会觉得自己被利用了。

‘Cause for every guy who is confident and self-respecting, if the woman never even try to contribute, he feels like he’s been taken advantage of.

因为，对于任何一个自信而且自尊的男性来说，如果女方根本就不打算付出任何东西，他会觉得自己是被利用了。

And it has nothing to do with money.

这和钱没关系。

It has to do with the lack of gesture.

这是个态度问题。

So I would be looking eh...... If you like this guy, maybe, if you’re in different positions, figure out what you wanna contribute proportionally or what you can contribute proportionally and treat him as you would with your best friend.

所以，我的看法是，额…… 如果你真的喜欢这个男生，即使你们的经济水平不一样，你也应该去想清楚：按比例来算，你愿意付出多少，以及你能够付出多少；然后像对待你最好的朋友一样去对待他。